You have to agree, finding an apartment can be a miserable experience. You call around to find an agency, or you spend all day, and all of the night, looking online at craigslist.

Ugh.

Of course, rental agents think it’s a miserable experience, too.

Really, though, can we have any sympathy for them?

No, especially when you know that they’re thinking these thoughts, while talking to you:

It’s crucial to separate the winners from the losers as early as possible. The winners are hard to come by and more difficult to spot. The losers, on the other hand, often announce themselves quickly; sometimes seconds into a conversation.

“Yeah, uh, hi. Do you have any no-fee apartments?” It still happens, and it still drives me crazy. The moment this question is asked I know I’m dealing with a complete idiot. It’s no crime to look for a no-fee apartment, but why call a broker? You may as well ask if I have any free haircuts, or if I’m giving out free backrubs. I picture this same caller asking a bartender if he has any no-fee beer.

You want a no fee apartment? Call a landlord. If you don’t know any landlords try asking a super. When that doesn’t work, pick up a paper and hit every no-fee apartment you can find, but get there early. If all else fails, call me, but at that point, expect to pay a fee.

He’s just a ray of sunshine, now, isn’t he?

Rental Dementia – Chasing the dream – By Brian Carter, The NY Press

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Updated: January 2018

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