Even for successful buyers with sterling credit, getting a mortgage these days can be an enormous ordeal, especially when banks ask you personal questions.

Tanya is a self-employed writer with solid credit and enough savings to put 30 percent down on her chosen Connecticut house. But for the past year, no lender would approve her. Then one got personal.

While dissecting the account she shares with her boyfriend, “they demanded to know what my relationship was with him. I finally gave up, decided I would just rent,” said Tanya, who asked that her last name be withheld should she opt to “go back to that bank.”

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