I’m not sure what I’m going to blog about today, but in the meantime, let me tell you a couple of stories:

A friend of mine told me that he went to a Chinese restaurant with his wife. After the meal, the host presented them with their fortune cookies. The host said: “Upon reading your fortune cookie you must add two words to the end of the saying.” The two words? “In bed.”

Greg’s fortune cookie read: “Now is the time to try something new.” Add “in bed.” Greg’s wife (Mary Anne) read: You are kind-hearted and hospitable, cheerful and well-liked” Add “in bed.” Look, I’m not suggesting you do this, especially if your children are with you, but it could be fun on a date night.

Dear Mr Ford,

This Christmas season, your nephew, John Ford Jr., has been causing quite a commotion in our store.

We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores.

We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.

All complaints against John Ford Jr, your nephew, have been compiled and are listed below.

Mr. Wally
President and
CEO

Wal-Mart Complaint
Department
———————————-
MEMO
John Ford Jr.
Complaints – 12 Things John Ford Jr. has done while his uncle has been
shopping:
*********

1. November 15:
Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
*********

2. November 20:
Set all the alarm clocks in Homewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
*********

3. November 27:
Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
*********

4: November 28:
Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M’s on our Christmas lay
away plan.
*********

5. November 29:
Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
*********

6. September 30:
Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they’ll bring pillows from the bedding department.
*********

7. December 1:
When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks: “Why
can’t you people just leave me alone?’
*********

8. December 2:
While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
*********

9. December 3:
In the auto department, practiced his “Madonna look” using different size
funnels.
*********

10. December 4:
Hid in the wowan’s”s clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled “PICK ME!” “PICK ME!”
*********

11. December 5:
When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the
fetal position and screams:

“NO! NO! It’s those voices again!!!!”

*********
(And; last, but not least!)
12. December 6: Went into a fitting room, shut the curtain and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here!”

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